New poetry

Sleeplessness
In the nights of tomorrow,
Comes the sounds of our weary bodies,
Our body clocks wildly out of synch,
Feeling slightly removed from ordinary life,
We pay greater sensitivity to our inner selves,
Inevitably unearthing what we're most comfortable with.

Countdown to zero
When I reached zero, I felt calmness that was out reach moments ago,
Before I reach zero, the day was filled immersed with thoughts,
Just as I was reaching zero, I prostrated towards the sun and thank her for another day,
Finally at zero, points of discourses became a distant past

The Existentialist

I carry on my back the worry of tomorrow

I live in existential mortality

I fear decaying before running for President

I love that one young man I cannot have

I sag like a heavy load on bad days

I explode with crust and sugar spread everywhere

I climb the staircase and stop just before reaching the top

I want my chaos to diminish overnight

I would like parents who nurture and not leave me to nature

I am here to bring your history forward

BREATHE

Today was the opening reception and conversations feed my mind greatly. I found Shubigi's write-up of the works from Bangladesh crisp.

"Sha Najak's works deals with the societal implications of foreign workers in Singapore, with an ethnographic bent. The study of one's origins and the impetus that causes migration is of particular interest to her. To leave behind the land of one's ancestors, to be absorbed into the fabric of another society are threads that are woven in the histories of most nations, and it is these resulting patterns of societal development that become the focus of her work."

- Shubigi Rao, artist


BREATHE
8-31 Aug
Jendela (Esplanade)

Iman Ismail, Jeremy Lee, Nurasyikin Hamzah, Sha Najak, Shubigi Rao and Tania Rosario
Singapore and India
08 Aug - 31 Aug 08, Fri - Sun
Jendela

In Breathe, six young artists showcase the result of their taking a step back to think, breathe and be inspired. Breathe is a fusion of their aspirations, myriad inspiration, reflections of self, expressed in their medium of choice.

im sure i'll get better with time, but in the meantime, here's some thoughts

Once we fell out
Apart but near at heart
Loving each moment when together
Madness all over
Till tomorrow we meet
Sweet dreams, best wishes my love

Stay here
Stay close
Stay forever

Mere conundrum of humans
To love is to lure is to lunacy
Giving and taking becomes one way traffic
Crucified martyrs come alive
As young as you want me to be
Back alley minions takes front stage
Love them as can be
Born into land slated for judgment
Love me then kill me quick

Not anymore no more please
Peace treaties float onto seas
Boundaries is all we see
What about you, me and community

Aged seniors bear stories
To a community of depressive junkies



Take refuge for security reasons
Bringing up babies with an baggage of an ugly truth
Wearing royalty on final days
Medusa rises in you quickly
Hang on to short ropes tight
Arrows shot, sharp with poison
Walking amidst the chaos was never a heroic choice
In money we believe
Power reserves for future alienation
Stones today, dirt tomorrow
Tears water you into a flower

Taking the MRT for the 1st time

the following is an account of Selvam who first came to Singapore from South Asia.

"The first time I arrived at the airport, I was feeling apprehensive about who was coming to receive me. Since this was my 1st time travelling, I wasn't sure about how to get the money. I also took the MRT for the very first time. My friend and so many men came together. My friend and everybody was happy but I was unhappy. During the time, there wasn't also much noise."

Durai, Kanyakummari

"My 1st employer is good but my supervisor treated me very roughly. After some days, everything was ok."

Shedding 3kg

In June, I've lost 3kg in total working solely on a diet with limited exercise. I've managed to get used to a low-carb diet and high H2O meal. With Tien's advice on increasing raw vegetables to my meals, I think it's safe to say some things did work.

I'm hoping to work out a process or regime of curbing smoking too. I've read up on hypnotherapy and apparently, it can cure smoking. I'm not sure about trying anything new much less with me not knowing or being aware of the process!

I hope to increase jogging and swimming exercises in the next month. My flabby stomach does little to my self-confidence.

For today, I've had coffee with milk in the morning, rice with sambal goreng, 2 packets of non-sweetened biscuits and another cup of coffee for the afternoon. Last night, I was guiltily devouring a packet of twisties.

There is an assessment at para-counselling class today and I'm afraid the boredom will drive me to eating again. I hope for July, I can lose 4kg instead.

I'm 67kg now, target weight will be 58. I've been seduced by Kareena Kapoor's slender figure during her performance for the Filmfare Awards 2008!

Counting down the kilos

Being so insurmountably immersed in weight loss, yoga, meditation and raw food, I've dropped 2 kgs since the past week. I wouldn't admit to following the diet regimen strictly or exercising regulary (this week's jogging time log adds up to 1hr 15 mins in 3 days) but I do feel better knowing the slow progress still results in progress.
As for raw food, having shifted back to Golden Mile Complex from Serangoon Plaza, the frequency of visits to food #03 decreased drastically. Even Tien and Cher had to find out why. I've resulted to making my own food at home and bringing them to work. I'd normally prepare them overnight or if the lazy bones kicked in, packed them in uncooked, uncut into a lunchbox.
Let's talk about my lunchbox. It is blue in colour with a light green laspe. Initially, it belongs to my 9-year old brother but since he is on school holidays, he has no use for it. I also bring bottled water or sometimes fill it with tea.
I'm currently nursing an infection which is nesting itself inside my nipples. I've been given anti-biotics and told to take off permanently, my nipple ring of 2 years.
Let's hope it won't continue to cause issues during dressing and un-dressing, I've never had to admit ever in my life that my bra can hurt my nipples.

Food Journal #05

I've dropped 1 kg this week. Last night, the leftover veggies were made into a salad for this morning's breakfast. I was told last night, I must not drink water or eat after 8pm. For lunch, I made eggs without the yolk for protein. I brought along a flask of mint tea to go with it all.

So it seemed like a filling meal. Despite the discipline in the morning, a student doing her work-attachment program at the office, had to bring in chips. I was seduced into finishing the whole packet.

In between, I had 3 bananas to curb my snacking habits. This sort of diet is good for saving money too.

Food Journal #04 : 1/6/2008

At Food #03 today, I had Caesar’s Salad. It was served with kus kus and I downed a cup of Vietnamese Coffee. At night, Tien packed salad and a soup for the next day.

I started the raw food diet last week on Tuesday 27/5/08 and many have asked how it has been. “Do you feel lighter?” Honestly, I don’t. “Do I feel better?” Yes, I do feel more positive knowing what I eat is healthy. I’ve become aware of what I eat.

Despite the developments, my obstacles lie in discipline. Often, at work without thinking, I would munch on snacks. Being at Serangoon Plaza last week did not help much, for the office is full of distractions such as Pepsi, Mountain Dew, Muruku, Elisa’s homecooked meals which she insists on sharing (consists of rice and vegetables).

For the diet to work, one should cut down on sugar, carbohydrates and eat raw meals, in other words, eat as raw as possible. KK suggested snacking on bananas as a beginning point.

This week, I shift back to Golden Mile Complex and I hope, the quiet solitude of my space at TWC2, will help curb my rising habit of snacking.

*Last week, the potato and carrot mix lightly peppered was a favourite of mine. I added thai chillis for flavour.

I don't eat other being's flesh (food journal entry #01)

This was the first food journal entry that got shoved away due to technical difficulties.

Met tien and cher at food #03 today at 6:15pm. Began dinner with a plate of fried noodles which I didn’t finish (it was horrible). There was however 2 mock meat pieces which I gobbled up. Had a cup of orange juice and later 2 cups of coffee. For dinner, tien’s food #03 challenge took place – a bag of assorted veggies and spoonfuls of carrots and potatoes. Occasionally, I dipped the veggie pieces into mayonnaise. At home after class, had two slices of tomatoes. Cher’s words resonated deeply…”make water your favourite drink.”

In class (a 3-month long certificate course in para-counselling) during break time, others were watching steadily at the Tupperware containers fished out of my jute bag. Questions were then fleshed out, “When did you become vegetarian?” and “Why did you want to be vegetarian.” My answer, “Almost 3 years ago. I didn’t want to eat flesh no more. Moreover, animals are killed inhumanely these days, cooked or boiled then served to you as a meal like what you’re eating now.” The food for tonight was fried noodles with fried chicken. We eat these things because they’re free, don’t we think it’s our responsibility to also remind those arranging it that all we ask for is a nutritious meal? Bala, an obnoxious and super blunt social service front-line staff dealing with drug offenders replied, “It’s ok, eat what you want now while you’re young. You can think about your health later.” In later conversations, he implied that somethings are vicious to the soul – I must have rubbed him the wrong way.

Eyes fell down. Conversations then on changed. Conversations then on became a communal banter…yours truly purposefully excluded. Perhaps I’m far too sensitive? Or perhaps masochistic….

When we learn to let go, the lighter the mind becomes”

Note to self : to make light coffee instead of thick ones. Or to ask for less sugar when purchasing cups of coffee.

Food Journal : May 29 2008

Breakfast : Watercrest soup, potato and carrot salad, coffee

Lunch: Rawa thosai, veggie mix, tea

Snacks: Tomatoes and raisins

Very low mood today. Went to work at Serangoon Plaza and was dancing. The traffic at Cuff Road in the morning was low. I have low morale and feeling tired most of the time. Meet Debi for lunch and had a good chat session about remittance services for workers. Last night, the egg sandwhich made me fulfilled.

Food Journal : 28/5/08

Breakfast
Time: 11:00am
Tomatoes, tien's veggie mix of vegetables I can't name. Nescafe. Grapes.

Lunch
Time: 1:30pm
Fuck. 2 pieces of garlic naan with mushroom mutter at Gatanjali. A glass of sweet lassi.

Dinner
Time: 6:30pm
Watercrest soup. Pieces of garlic bread (thanks to glenn). At home i made a piece of egg and lapped it in between two pieces of wholemeal bread and a cup of Nescafe.

Did you find any meal in particular to be a problem area? If so, which foods can you exchange for a healthier alternative?

The garlic naan left me filled and bloated. I hate that feeling altogether.

Did you eat anything today when you weren't hungry? What were you feeling before you ate it? After?

In between work, I would munch on the salad pack. I felt kinda good putting food that is good into my mouth. It's almost like a satisfying B_o_j_b.

How could you have handled the situation and/or your feelings without turning to food?

If I don't turn to food, I turn to cigarettes. Or perhaps being talkative to others or sleep. Sometimes, even reading but the problem is, I hate seating too much.

List at least one alternative activity you will use tomorrow instead of eating in response to feelings:

Send out those proposals for funds.

Elamurugan

“Roja” which means rose in Tamil. In school, Elamurugan was taught how to draw by the “Oviam” master – a term he mentioned is used for art teacher. He studied at “Putokode” district (note, spelling may be wrong) till standard 10 before moving to *Tirupur and entered training. He dosen’t really enjoy studying and out of 142 in his class, only 7 passed.

Before working in Singapore, he works at a garments factory cutting up cloth for 9 years. He has a father who is 75 years old, a brother who is 44 and unemployed plus 4 sisters. His elder brother has 4 kids and he is working to support them. Elamurugan is 28 years old. His father works ad-hoc jobs sometimes.

Socio-economic background of Tirupur:
from wikipedia:

*Tirupur is the Capital of Tirupur District. Tirupur (Tamil: திருப்பூர்) is a textile city and one among the 9 municipal corporations in the south Indian state of Tamil Nadu and is an important trade center of India. Tirupur has gained universal recognition as the leading source of Hosiery, Knitted Garments, Casual Wear and Sportswear. It is a new district. Tirupur is the Seventh largest city in Tamil Nadu and is one of the fastest developing cities in the state. Tirupur has emerged as the knitwear capital of the country in three decades. Exports from Tirupur, which provides employment to over three lakh people has crossed the Rs.12,000 crore mark last year.

He shared he did not like the chalk pastels used to draw the pictures above because it is thick and the paper small. We then used normal paper and a pen to draw the next one which is a peacock. I learned from him that the peacock is a symbol of Lord Murugan which part of Elamurugan’s name came from.

A description of Lord Murugan from Wikipedia :
Murugan or Murukaṇ (Tamil: மு௫கன் ) is a popular Hindu deity among Tamil Hindus, and is worshipped primarily in areas with Tamil influence, especially South India, Sri Lanka and Malaysia. He is not quite so well-known in other parts of India. Like most Hindu deities, He is known by many other names, including Senthil, Saravaṇa, Kārttikeya (meaning 'son of Krittika'), Arumugam or Shanmukha (meaning 'one with six faces'), Kumāra (meaning 'child or son'), Guha, Skanda (meaning 'that which is spilled or oozed, namely seed' in Sanskrit)^[1], Subrahmaṇya, Vēlaṇ and Swaminatha^[2]. He is the God of war and the patron deity of the Tamil land (Tamil Nadu). According to the Tamil devotional work, Thiruppugazh, "Murugan never hesitates to come to the aid of a devotee when called upon in piety or distress".

A Day's Banter
I can't figure out what makes a day go bad
Too much communication dysfunction going around
Repeating myself is frustratingly agitating
I'd really like for someone to get me instantly
without me having to repeat myself

FREE
She skates through thin ice with arms wide open
To the skies she looks, eyes lit up
Imagines herself flying to a destination unknown

He looks at her from across
With her ragged pants and stained sweats
He wished he knew what it felt to be free like her

41 year-old Durai Raj met me on Thursday and spoke about his life. He has a Bachelor’s Degree in Commerce and resides in Kanyakumari in Tamil Nadu. He attained injuries while working as a construction worker here. He has 2 daughters at the ages of 11 and 8. His wife makes garments and sells them. The hometown he lives in has many ferris wheels which, he shared, attracts tourists. Once, he had a store selling sweetmeats but had to close it down when faced with stronger competition in the area.

He worked in a governmental job in Mumbai once but resigned because he was unhappy with the management. Currently, he spends his time in Cuff Road and hangs out at the HOME IT centre sometimes since being referred there by TWC2.

The above image was drawn by him using crayons. He explained this is a view of a landscape with a rising sun. There is greenery around the mountainous lands and birds in the sky. This seemed fitting to compare with earlier conversations with him about working on agricultural farmlands in the past.

We then spoke about possible business ventures he may be interested to pursue when back in Tamil Nadu but he expressed little interest. What he showed interest in was teaching. He finds teaching a good channel for him to take in future, particularly in Commerce since that was the degree he graduated with.

less

desired needs, desired journeys
here needs dust off desires
less we carry, more we bring home
sleep comes, night turns day
less we bring, less we need

In this one instance we came together,
With little need for anything else,
We're ok when we're here,
What else can we ask for?

There won't be a tomorrow,
Let's stop looking, Let's start living,
Tomorrow, Tomorrow, Tomorrow,
is another day

apu

apu
weary-looking immigrant
tough
26 years of age
worked himself to death
wishing his brother does not have the same faith
wanting a better life for this 14 yr old innocent wife
but refuse to send her to school
knows his work is illegal
knived and rioted amongst muslims before
went into business with a muslim immigrant selling gravy peanuts

he spoke about using my Singaporean citizenship to do business
he talked me into thinking I will have more money than the salary I earn now
it took me a while to convince him life ain't about money even if you're poor

apu does not think i'm talking sense, he left muttering i will learn