yawn

as if it wasn't enough that me and dad have been tolerating each other becos of the incoming Eid celebrations, mum had to ring me pouring her heart out abt bro's diva attitude.

we need to swop places now, me live with mum and bro with dad cos they obivously act like each other and most certainly can tolerate each other maybe. it'd clear the tangled communication lines we've gotten ourselves into.

been working too much and listening and thinking and wondering around. all this work keeps me focused, but yet draw me away from the pleasures ive come to get used to like watching movies, flirting about, going on dates or even shopping for that matter. im becoming less concerned when my eyebrows arent arched or thread-ed. been lazy at gym but cindy keeps the whip coming when i slack.

re-designing poems by sha

am deciding to shift poems by sha into words by sha since last week. i don't find much inspiration to write poetry at the moment but what i'd like to share are stories that we may have come into contact living our daily lives. i wld share with u stories abt me or others that ive had the privilege of sharing a conversation with. welcome to wordsbysha

at 7am, mummy called waking me up 30 mins earlier before officially i wake up to the sound of the handphone's alarm. she asked if i was waking up for work and i said well almost. its not always mummy called at such an hour and my immediate thought was something had happened so i asked hastily what the matter was. she said nothing really but then shared she was cleaning her room (mummy wakes up at 5am normally so its normal to hear her cleaning at 7am) and found a cloth both me and 22-yr old brother used while we were babies for changing diapers and whatnots. she said sadly that if i ever were to get married and have kids, never let your mother-in-law take care of them. i cld hear she was almost tearing. i said ok and went back to sleep to catch 25 more mins of sleeptime. but her words made me tear instead....

the story behind the blanket...

mummy was in her late 20s when she was separated from daddy. she got the custody of my bro but i was left to daddy who dumped me to granny to raise. so granny was my mother when growing up. mummy shared the difficulty she had to face during the divorce with dad becos dad's family wont allow her to see me often. she was diagnosed with depression and hence the whole family thought, she wld eventually commit suicide along with me. it was true, she was diagnosed unstable for a moment due to the mental torture my dad put her through. hence she felt nostalgic today becos she was unable to be part of my life as i grew up well into my teens. she felt she was cheated becos the family promised they wld allow her to see me but did not kept to their part of the promise.

im 24 now, the family that presumably shielded me away from a mother they felt not stable to care for her daughter, is the family im unable to converse with often. i stay with mum 3 days in a week and the rest 4 at dad's only becos i have my own room at dad's with my own computer. dad and me dun talk much. mum and me have even gone to India together with so much memories brought back. it's beautiful to know at 24, a daughter can still enjoy her mother's personality...

mum does a sha najak pose - http://theshanajakpose.blogspot.com/2007/08/vessel.html

The Hermit in his Cave

The Hermit in his Cave
He was born into the wrong century
An exclamation of horror and disbelief

He lives with a retinue of servants and the absolute right to do as he please
What a strange man Chander Singh is

The sky still bright but his tall thin frame blots out the light
Don’t be fooled by his beautiful manners and warmth

What was done remains to be forever
Written in universal consciousness

The hermit retrieves to his case
Going inside himself, feels more human than everyone else

What a strange man Chander Singh is

Calm of Miraj

On this night of ascension,
The air grew still,
The room darkened,

We sat knee to knee
Hearts aligned towards the one
Heads bowed with humility

My sisters my brothers
with you we stepped forward 4 times
like a newborn baby taking its nascent step

the calm on this night of miraj
rooting itself deep into our souls.
the thought of forwarding towards the One
an intimate spiritual canvas we share forever

sha najak very emo

sha najak very emo

she so kental she made a blog about herself

go to www.theshanajakpose.blogspot.com

self-absorbed right?

Black

I saw you in my dreams, and I saw how black the night is

And then I saw myself in your arms, heart beating

I saw tears falling and I understood why this can only be a dream

Circling

Around you circling around you

Singing dancing singing dancing

Calling crying smiling

Around you circling around you

little one

Little one,
I celebrate your arrival
Sweet angel pure with innoncence
Light for this dim house, your cries are music through the nights
Blessings be upon you
May your path be guided and filled with happiness
Oh love! You bring warmth to my tired soul

I'm anticipating your first step,

I'm eager to hear your first words,

I look forward to your first day in school,

I'm hoping to be the one you tell about your first crush,

I'd like to be the shoulder you cry on when you fail,

I pray to be there when you graduate,

I'd certainly like to be the one that draws henna on your hands when you get married.

Little one, this world of mine became brighter with your presence

taj mahal, sha najak

The heart knows
The spirit feels
The tears drop

How else do I describe love to you?

that guy

That guy told me I won't be happy
That guy said the only way to survive
is to put on a farce and gain acceptance

That guy said I won't be contented
doing what I love
because this world is not about us

That guy said he will be happy
because his efforts to infiltrate are good
for him and his family

That guy then told me to fuck off
because he got irritated over me responding politely to his remarks

I think that guy is unhappy with himself. How?

Read me like a book

i walk towards you
you ran towards me

i tire of you
you just got started on me

i don't deserve you
you gift-wrapped yourself to me

i wonder about you
you simply read me like a book

dedicated to the One

Emptiness

Emptiness
By Sha Najak

Moulded with the ability to think
Carved into a successful career
Blessed with a face to turn heads
Even more so, a soft heart for the oppressed

Emptiness settled in
Now well in womanhood

Looking back she knew
The one step she missed
Had an adverse effect
To where she stands now

Forward she sees
Struggles she will need to make
But the Beloved she knows she must find
To welcome death with life

TEA

Fingers brushed his

Unintentional…no wait deliberate

Made you some tea

Sweet too sweet

Lips pencil thin

Pressing against teeth

Pain at the back of your mouth

Eyes wide open

Directed at me

Cup left your fingers

Tea landed on my face

I felt pain

The Mortician Had a Poetry Slam

Yield treacherous spawn
Beneath these balls of sins you came

Deserving of a torturous abortion
Thine unspoken destiny rapes one’s vision of humanity

Come ye who drinks from the breasts of Medusa
Fork this seed and feel no pity

Bollywood Destroyed My Life

India was my home,
Now my home is called Little India

In Singapore, people always don't smile at me,
I don't know why

My other friends from India also say the same,
They say these Singaporeans think we all bad

I know this is true,
Becos the lady living near where I work,
always don't allow her son to talk to me when I smile or say hello

One day, I was washing Block 238 at Toa Payoh where the lady live,
I wash outside her house then I saw her watching Hindi movie

The actor in the movie was beating his wife and son using slippers
I hear the women say to her son, 'See indian men all bad'

I laughed. Now I know why she don't like me,
She see too much Bollywood movies and think we all bad people who smell and drink like mad

But the thing is, I'm from Tamil Nadu and not Bollywood,
She should just blame the Bollywood movie directors lah!

Read at:
Literati 2 - 8th September 2006, Substation

stand up for the beautiful bastard

last days of pompeii II, Gottfried Helwein

deny the men
deny the boys
turn the tap Jen
turn yourself on
release the sticks
fill your vacuums desire
stand up stand up
no not the manly attire

Aphrodite’s Dilemma (The Isle of Lesbos)

I have yet to hear from her,
The mighty Aphrodite in the whirling skirt

On this soft mat all girls yearn,
For the bosoms’ warmth just nice beside them

Those succulent arms oh how I crave!
My fingers itch to run through those red locks once again

enters Aphrodite

She sickens my thoughts,
This woman of no bearing stalks me

Yet I am always drawn to her,
The attention she gives never apparent in a man

What must I do?

These emotions I’ve always wanted,
Comes in a different body that what I expected

Published on:
PLUME

Invisible Beloved

Beloved,
I am so flawed,
I cannot get things right,
I beat myself up too much,

I want to be free of conforming,
I can only think of relinquishing this pain through you,
Hence I wish to seek your kingdom,
And bask peacefully in your haven,


I think of you when in times of need,
You move me to tears with your absence,

Beloved,
You are everything,
I fall in love merely thinking of you,
When the truth is, I’ve never even met you.

The Gnostic

mixed media, Gottfried Helnwein

The lovely child,
Nestled peacefully in her own arms,

Wide awake she thinks,

Who is this God my kind speaks of?
A brainwashed personace of patriachy?

An egotistical excuse for the sovereign self?
Or rather a front for the devil in you?

Stop
Enough

Cease you holy tools of war,
Blemished his name you have made,

No more!
End your suffocating dogma,

Twirl the dervish spins,
His skirt and breath a seductive welcome,

Voltaire's whispers playfully heard,
Finally this child understands,

For paradise has always been in her head

The Observing

painting by Gottfriend Helnwein

On the train,
On my way to work,
On the usual pace of life,

Watch,
I watch you deeply,
Where are you going?

Noticed,
You fidget,
Your small space invaded,

Smile,
Who is she? You ask,
Look away,

Door slides open,
You dissapear,
A lasting memory,

For the observing.